Pregnancy

17 things men should not say during labour

I’ve given birth three times and each time I had my husband at my side, this is why I feel I’m reasonably qualified to write about things that men should not say to their wives during labour.

Funny story, well not funny ha ha, but funny weird, during all three of my labours my husband has complained about how tired he was and attempted to nap on the couch/chair beside me.

For my first child I felt sorry for him because yes we had been awake the ENTIRE night, but by the time my third labour rolled around I was fresh out of sympathy. Telling a woman in the throes of labour, that also had a 3.5-year-old and 21-month-old at home, how tired he was went down like a lead balloon; not very well.

pregnant women and husband

 

Here’s what NOT to say gents…

1. Geez I’m hungry, it’s been ages since I’ve had anything decent to eat.

2. Wow! I never knew ‘it’ could be stretched so big.

3. Is that normal, I mean is that what it’s supposed to do?

4. Try breathing slower, the midwife said it would really help.

5. Shit, I forget to record the final season of Game of Thrones, what am I going to do?

6. Man that paper cut I got at work the other day is a KILLER!

7. It looks like it’s going to be a looooooong night, wish I’d packed something to do.

8. Gee you were a bit rude to the doctor/midwife; they are only trying to do their job.

9. Why don’t you see if you can go a little longer without asking for that epidural, you probably don’t need it?

17 things men should not say during labour

10. A mate from work’s wife reckoned that once you get to 8cms it’s not long until the baby arrives.

11. Can’t you push any harder? You’re nearly there, come on.

12. Oh look it’s the head, nah just kidding.

13. I’ve never seen you look so tired and haggard in all my life. You poor thing.

14. Well my sister’s births didn’t seem to go on for this long.

15. Is that what you brought to wear? Isn’t that a bit inappropriate?

16. This playlist sucks; didn’t you bring anything I like?

17. There is just so much blood!

husband supporting wife during labour

Bonus thing men should NEVER say to a woman in labour:

You’ll been lying down on the bed for ages, shouldn’t you get up a bit and move around, it might help you progress!

Read about what to expect when you’re in labour from our expert midwife.

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emily-toxward
written by:

Emily Toxward

When former journalist Emily Toxward isn’t wrangling her three kids she’s juggling the demands writing and failing fabulously at being a domestic goddess. A published writer for nearly 20 years, Emily left full-time work in 2008 to have children and write from home. Always on the go, she spends her days negotiating with an army of little people she created and visits her local Gold Coast beaches for a little sanity.