This is why new mums get NOTHING done

Why is it so hard to get the simplest of tasks completed when you have a new baby?

Pre-kids, things like putting out the washing, stacking the dishwasher and bringing in the bins were two minute jobs, tops. When you have a newborn…. well, let’s just say if the washing makes it out of the washing machine and into the basket, then it’s a good day.

So why can’t new mums get anything done? Can we really blame it on the baby? Or baby brain? Or is something else going on? We think we might have figured it out!

Here’s the truth, new mums – this is why having a newborn makes it impossible to function at a normal human level.

A day in the life of a brand new mum

If a newborn baby is meant to sleep an average of 16 hours in a 24 hour period, then shouldn’t new mums have hours upon hours to get stuff done?

Technically, yes, but here’s why we don’t:

Because newborns don’t like to sleep anywhere except on you.

And, on the rare occasion that your newborn does decide to sleep in his cot or in a swing, you get so excited about the prospect of five minutes of freedom that you escape to the washroom with visions of a long hot shower, a shave and possibly even a pluck!

Naturally, the moment you strip down naked, the baby wakes up crying and in need of a cuddle.

But, while you’re naked, you also notice that one breast is triple the size of the other. So after settling bub back in your arms, you get out the breast pump and spend the next twenty minutes awkwardly expressing the excess milk while letting your baby snooze on your chest (which, of course, leaves you both feeling sweaty and sticky from the skin to skin contact).

Because you’re still naked, remember? That long hot shower is still a possibility at this stage…

But, as you ponder a shower, you realise you haven’t had any water today. And without water, you cannot function. And thus, we come to the next reason why new mums get nothing done…

Because our brains have turned to actual mush.

Focusing on one simple task, like getting a glass of water, is impossible.

As you head to the kitchen to get some water, you notice a pile of dirty clothes in the middle of the floor. So you make a detour to the laundry and notice 15 unwashed loads sitting there. Not 15 articles of clothing. 15 actual piles of unwashed clothes.

So, still naked and cradling your newborn, you start to load the washing machine with dirty clothes only to notice your dog is staring at you. And you cannot remember if you fed her yesterday. Or the day before. Or at all in the past week.

Thus you leave the washing and head to the pantry. With one hand you open the dog food and spill half the contents on the floor. Dog doesn’t give a stuff and eats it anyway. As you watch your dog inhale his food off the floor, you notice just how much other dirt is on the floor.

And how hungry you are.

Bub is fast asleep at this stage so you do the world’s quietest baby drop in his cot. But as you do, you cannot help but take a few sneaky pictures of him fast asleep. You know, to share to Instagram later.

Once this perfectly peaceful moment is captured, you creep out of the room to find the vacuum cleaner and make a quick snack. Still naked, naturally.

But on your way to the kitchen you find your expressed breast milk still sitting on the couch. You can’t let liquid gold spoil! So the new plan involves pouring the milk into the little breast milk containers (and spilling half of it on the floor. But don’t worry, the dog is right there). And, bonus, as you open the freezer to place the containers in, you also find your missing car keys.

And, it is at this moment that the baby wakes up, hungry, poopy and ready for round two. This cycle pretty much continues for the rest of the day and through most of the night as well.

Which brings us to the third reason why new mums get nothing done…

Because newborns really need their mums. ALL THE TIME.

For changing. For feeding. For burping. For rocking. For cleaning. For entertaining. For sleeping. For comforting. For EVERYTHING. And this is what makes being a mum so amazing. There is nothing more powerful than knowing you are someone’s world and to your newborn, this is exactly what you are.

So while you’ve managed to not only forget to drink water, have a shower (and put on clothes), eat a meal, finish doing the washing or vacuum the house, you did feed the dog, find your missing car keys and save the breast milk from going off.

So that’s a start, right?

And, most importantly, you managed to keep your newborn content and safe. And, this is all that matters at this stage. Trust me, one day it will be possible to function at an average adult level, to multitask like a master and to find the time to shower AND put on clothes. But not today. And that’s perfectly okay.