Before kids, life is pretty simple – eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, work when you have to and socialise when you feel like it.
After kids, well, let’s just say a few things are off the table. Late nights out are replaced with early morning cuddles in bed. Slinky date night dresses are replaced with comfortable boxer shorts. And long conversations with your mates are replaced with short and simple text messages you’ve probably written from the toilet.
How many of these life changes can you relate to?
Turns out, when you have kids…
1. Exercise becomes trickier.
Carrying a baby in one arm, a toddler bike in the other and pushing a pram with your hips becomes the norm for your daily ‘evening walk with the kids.’
But, hey, your arm muscles have never looked so good… (try these perfect park exercise you CAN do with the kids)
2. A good night’s sleep means you’ve only swapped beds three times or less.
Waking up most nights with a child lying across your chest or else wedged in between the two beds in their room? Yep. Us too.
And carrying 17 kilograms of sleeping child back to her bed at least twice a night is pretty much standard (and counts as exercise).
3. Wearing clothes becomes optional.
Less clothes means less washing. If you happen to come over unannounced and we’re all walking about in our undies, you’ll know why.
Pants are highly overrated anyway.
4. Minor details become impossible to remember.
Like remembering to put on a bra before leaving the house…
5. Plans with less than 24 hours notice just don’t happen.
And plans after 9pm, HA!
6. Personal morning routines only involve two steps.
Brush teeth. Throw hair in bun on top of head. And we’re done.
7. Knowledge of popular culture takes an incredible dive.
Unless the celebrity stars on Play School, then you probably have no idea who he is. But ask me the names of every character in In The Night Garden and I’ve got it in the bag.
8. Sexy time becomes sneakier.
When the kids are asleep, you probably are too. Or you’re close to it. And thus five-minute quickies while the kids are occupied watching Peppa Pig are perfectly acceptable.
9. Your stash of pyjamas overtakes your stash of going-out clothes.
What I lack in fashion sense, I make up for in pairs of colourful boxer shorts, flannel pants and slippers.
10. Your phone conversations become practically non-existent.
Unless the person on the other end doesn’t mind being interrupted every ten seconds with phrases like, “Take that pencil out of your mouth” and “Mummy doesn’t need to see your doodle,” then it’s probably best to SMS.
11. You discover it is completely possible to survive on the foods your toddler doesn’t want to eat.
Why make yourself lunch when you can just eat cut off bread crusts? If this is you and it’s starting to affect your weight, healthy and well being, then find out how our 28 Day Weight Loss Challenge can help. It’s designed especially for busy, tired mums.
12. Pulling an all-nighter means your child is sick.
No, you’re not up all night partying. You’re up all night cleaning puke off the bed sheets, placing a cold washcloth on his over-heated forehead and cradling him to sleep.
13. But most importantly…you realise just how unimportant those little things in life really are.
So what if your life is a little hectic, if you missed a night out on the town with the gals (and woke up hangover free) or you can’t remember the last time you read a book that didn’t involve animal sounds or colours.
You’ve gained so much – the realisation that you can live off very little sleep, that you can cook an entire meal one headed, and, most of all, that your heart has the amazing capacity to love as much as you love your children.
This may be the biggest life change of all when you have kids. But it’s by far the greatest life change you will ever experience.
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