Parenting

15 things you’ll only understand if you’re a mum

Once you have children, your life and your waistline changes dramatically. Over time you get used to always putting your child’s needs first, but what takes a little longer to come to terms with, is how things you once loved are now terrible or just awkward now you’re a mum.
This Is Why Parenting After 5pm Is Beyond Stressful

15 things you’ll only understand if you’re a mum

1. Unexpected silences

It means your toddler is trying to eat the goldfish or using your lipstick to colour in the walls.

2. Sneezing

You never know if the flood gates are going to open or not.

3. White Clothes

Once something that made you feel fresh and fabulous, it’s now only worn when you’re away from the kids. RIP fabulous white dress.

4. Play Doh

It’s either up someone’s nose or on the bottom of a kid’s shoe.

5. Glitter

Used to be nice but is now considered public enemy number one, also known as the devil’s work.

6. Supermarket Checkout Lines

It used to be a relaxing place where you flicked through trashy magazines, it’s now where you child screams their head off because you won’t buy them a chocolate bar. Quickest way to a nervous breakdown!

Supermarket Shopping with kids

7. Stilettos

Pregnancy not only destroys your svelte figure but often makes your feet get bigger, true story.

8. Expensive Furniture

You spend all your time worrying the kids will scratch your elegant hardwood dining table with their fork.

9. Non-Elastic Clothing

If it doesn’t have a nice relaxed waistline band forget it. Meanwhile your tight pants are hanging unloved with four inches of dust on them.

10G-Strings

After something the size of a basketball exits your body, just the thought of having a tiny piece of rough cotton down yonder is enough to make you cry out in pain.

11. Door Bells

Once upon a time you used to love unexpected visitors to show off your expensive furniture to, now you hide the second you see someone pull up the drive for fear they’ll see you’re still in your PJ’s at 3pm!

newborn mum

12. Jumping On The Trampoline

Just try it, we dare you.

13. Adopting A New Appreciation For Smoothies

Cooking three meals a day, plus packing 75 lunch boxes, cutting the crust off sandwiches and then making another three meals a day because the first lot either went cold or rejected by your little ones. Thank goodness for SMOOTHIES. Blend, sip and suddenly squeezing in your daily dose of vitamins and minerals doesn’t seem impossible after all. Not with The Healthy Mummy Smoothie mix at least.

14. Wearing Your Hair Down

Ain’t nobody got time for that every day. It’s also not wise to wear your hair down around babies who have THE tightest grip in the world when it comes to hair.

15. Dangly Earrings

They are now one of the most deadliest jewellery items because babies just adore trying to pull your ear off by yanking on your chandelier earrings.

Bonus Thing:

3am – it used to be the time you’d grab a kebab on the way home from a big night out, now it’s the time you race to your baby’s room to feed him or her before they wake up your other kids.

Have you got anything you’d like to add?

emily-toxward
written by:

Emily Toxward

When former journalist Emily Toxward isn’t wrangling her three kids she’s juggling the demands writing and failing fabulously at being a domestic goddess. A published writer for nearly 20 years, Emily left full-time work in 2008 to have children and write from home. Always on the go, she spends her days negotiating with an army of little people she created and visits her local Gold Coast beaches for a little sanity.