Drifting off to sleep is such a relaxing and blissful part of the day. Except if you’re my daughter. Then it’s the time to transform into the world’s hungriest, thirstiest, most curious four-year-old on the planet.
If you too have children who know how to turn on the charm and bring out the creative reasons why they can’t sleep, then here are 67 excuses that you’ve most likely heard (and on numerous occasions).
Lights Off. Excuses On.
Experts claim that there are a lot of benefits to raising a strong-willed child, that the argumentative kids of today will be the CEO’s of tomorrow. Well I must be raising the next great leader then because my daughter’s ability to argue her way out of bedtime is nothing short of incredible.
Over the course of her four short years on earth, here are a few of the gems she’s used to try and delay bedtime and argue her way out of going to sleep.
How many have your kids used?
My daughter cannot go to sleep because…
- I only read her a short story. And she wanted a long one.
- I flipped the pages too fast.
- She is worried the character in the book is sick.
- She wants to play iPad.
- She wants to watch one episode of Peppa Pig.
- Her brother is breathing too loud.
- She wants me to sing to her.
- I am singing the song wrong.
- She needs a drink of water.
- Her water bottle is only half full and she wants to drink out of a water bottle that is completely full.
- Her teddy is also thirsty.
- She can’t remember the names of the planets. And she needs to know right this second.
- She slept last night, so she doesn’t need to sleep again.
- She doesn’t feel tired.
- She feels hungry.
- She can hear the sound of the dog walking across the hardwood floor.
- The cars outside are too noisy.
- It’s too dark.
- She forgot to tell me something.
- She can’t remember the story.
- The blanket feels funny.
- She can’t sleep unless she’s facing the other way.
- A bird made a sound.
- She can hear the television in the other room.
- I coughed.
- She needs another cuddle.
- She cannot go to sleep without the couch cushion in her bed.
- I got the wrong couch cushion.
- The couch cushion smells weird.
- She doesn’t want the couch cushion. She needs another teddy.
- She can’t decide on which one.
- She needs to make seven trips in and out of her bed to accommodate her selection of stuffed animals.
- Her bed is too small.
- She wants to sleep in my bed.
- She wants to bring her miniature couch into her bed.
- She wants to sleep in an oversized box that stores the Christmas tree.
- She is too mad to fall asleep because I always say no.
- She needs a hug.
- Her feet are cold. She requires socks.
- There is a lump in her sock.
- The socks are now making her toes sweat.
- She needs pats on her back.
- She also needs to know how rainbows are formed.
- And what a baby goat is called.
- And how many days until Christmas.
- And how many days until her birthday.
- And how many hours are in a day.
- Something touched her leg.
- The rain is too loud.
- She’s scared.
- Her head is itchy.
- She needs to pee.
- She’s not happy with her choice of pyjamas. She would like to switch.
- She also needs a different teddy to match her new outfit.
- Her legs feel like dancing.
- She wants me to tickle her back.
- And her tummy.
- And her arm.
- The curtain is not closed enough.
- Her bedspread has a “funny line” (crease) in it.
- She’s pretty sure something is under her bed.
- She can’t stop thinking about breakfast tomorrow morning.
- All this food talk means she needs to brush her teeth again.
- She needs a band-aid for her week-old scratch.
- She needs to know what band-aids are made of.
- She doesn’t want to miss out on anything.
Not every night is filled with excuses. Some nights my daughter drifts off to sleep in five minutes flat. Other nights, however, it can take a bit more convincing. I’m sure your kids are probably the same.
And I’m sure that you would probably agree that, while you may have missed out on a few hours (okay, probably days) of sleep over the years, the cheeky conversations and the precious mummy-daughter time makes it more than worth while.
Sleep is overrated anyway.