13 things we said about parenting before we became parents

We are ALL perfect mums, until we have children. It’s a safe bet that most women would have a list of things that they thought they would or wouldn’t do once they had kids.

young kids

Truth be told, it’s easy to say such things when you’re on the sidelines and not actually in the game trying to parent an army of little people that you created!

Once you have children you realise that the perfect parents only exists in a land where unicorns frolic, babies never cry and children always sleep through the night and wake up happy.

What we said about parenting before we became mums:

1. My children will NEVER eat junk food

For some peace and quiet you’ll do almost anything, including buying them fries to dip in their ice-cream.

2. If they don’t like it then tough they’ll starve

Kids eating Chicken Skewers_Leah

But then you get the guilts and offer them something else because you can’t stand the thought of your child going hungry.

3. I’m not going to change my lifestyle just because I have a baby

Unless you have a nanny, a chef, a housecleaner and a personal trainer, you end up changing the way you live and usually don’t mind it that much. Well as long as you get to escape every now and then.

4. Having a baby won’t stop me from travelling

Sure it will because you’ll be worried about logistics, safety and the 316 baby items you need to take with you on a five-minute drive.

5. There will be only one prize in pass the parcel at my child’s birthday party

No there won’t because you’ll feel bad for all those gorgeous kids with big eager eyes waiting for a lolly or small toy.

6. I’ll take my kids to the park every day, it’s so easy

Yes it’s easy to visit the park, without kids, but you have to make sure it has a toilet, somewhere to change the baby and shade. Usually it’s easier to just stay home and let them run amok in the backyard.

7. My children won’t be watching TV until they are two

I was told the TV was like a strobe light for babies so my first child never watched anything but Baby Einstein. Well until she wouldn’t eat food at six months and I used it to distract her while I shoved spoons of food in her mouth.

8. There is no way my children will be that rude

Actually your 5-year-old will poke out their tongue at a nice old lady for no reason and you won’t see it. This will happen A LOT.

9. I certainly won’t talk to my kids like that

Yes you will because you will have had a gutful of their attitude and behaviour and sometimes all you can do is get mad, like when cereal is dropped on your freshly-mopped floor. Snarl.

10. I will not let my kids take over my whole life
christie and her daughters

Yeah you will, they are defenceless for YEARS and so they are your life from now on. Every move you make, every step you take, they’ll be watching.

11. There’s no way I’m putting my young kids in day care

For some sanity you will and you will love it so much you will stare at the clock hoping it slows down so you can have more kid-free time.

12. My children won’t sleep in my bed, I’ll make sure of it

Some nights you just can’t be effed taking them back to their own bed for the 14th time and you will let them sleep in your bed and all over you. Then you’ll probably do it again the next night.

13. I’m going to limit screen time to just one hour a week

As if, it’s the cheapest babysitter in the world and means the kids aren’t running feral around the house and they aren’t fighting. You also justify screen time by making them watch or play educational things.

What was something that you thought you’d never do as a parent but now do on a daily or weekly basis?

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written by:

Emily Toxward

When former journalist Emily Toxward isn’t wrangling her three kids she’s juggling the demands writing and failing fabulously at being a domestic goddess. A published writer for nearly 20 years, Emily left full-time work in 2008 to have children and write from home. Always on the go, she spends her days negotiating with an army of little people she created and visits her local Gold Coast beaches for a little sanity.